have you ever had that feeling. you want a home that you can fall back on whenever you feel troubled. even though you don't know what's troubling you.

i wish i had a home where i really belong. somewhere i can always turn to whenever i want to. somewhere, some place i can rely on.

i can't always fall back on you. sooner or later you'll just give up on me too. whenever i fall back on you, i just feel like you wouldn't let me fall on you for some comfort or respite.

is it just myself? i don't know, i don't understand.

sometimes it's better not to understand anything and all. somehow the way i drive relates to how i live my life. for example, when i drive, i tend to hold the steering wheel too tightly which affects my control of the car.

it's the same logic to my life. i tend to want to control things into my own hands so much so that it affects everything else that comes along with it.

maybe it's just the way i think or the way i live my life. winning isn't easy. i wish i didn't have to control everything into my own hands so much so i destroy everything.

dear God,
only You can understand what i'm going through now, please help me understand. You're the last person i can ever fall back on. but i wish i had someone in real-life that i can fall back on. or a family where i feel i belong to, to fall back on.
amen.

another poem.

A Home To Fall

I wish for a home;
just a simple home would do.
Nothing grand nor rich,
just the warmth and happiness I can feel,
just a place I can belong.

I wish I had some place to go to,
whenever I feel lonely,
a house I can belong.

Understanding isn't hard;
it just hurts so much,
maybe I shouldn't understand.

Just the dash of vodka on my lips.
Maybe just a simple word,
just to understand me; I pray,
just to know me.